Sunday, March 23, 2008
scared of the wolf
it's been quite a while... i have been meaning to write about all the things that have happened, things i've been thinking, reading, looking for, about my knitting... but i always end up doing something else.
i think i'm somehow scared of doing this, i'm afraid i wont have anything to say, or that my life is not interesting enough for anyone to read about. sometimes i feel like i'm an empty vessel flowing over the waters of time... time goes by and i don't really do anything important, and i'm scared of letting it go by, letting my life slip away from me.
and what i've noticed lately is i usually avoid those situations that scare me, situations where i feel i'm not really able to cope -my ability to cope entirely influenced by my negative beliefs about myself- or where i have no choice but to, at some point, expose my weaknesses. and avoiding not only doesn't help, but makes my fears grow stronger by confirming the fact that i cannot do it.
so maybe this is exactly what i need to do. hope i can keep it up this time